With all the stress that already accompanies a divorce, the addition of painful, heated courtroom drama can feel overwhelming. Fortunately, mediation might be an appropriate option if you and your spouse are willing to work together to come to a more satisfactory settlement for both you and your children. Although the positive aspects of mediation are appealing at first, it is important to consider several factors before choosing to take this route over litigation. 

The Pros

First, consider everything good that can come from mediation. This process differs greatly from a court hearing in several ways as shown by the following scenarios:

• A Collaborative Solution: If you and your spouse were to take your divorce to court, the terms of your separation would be subject to harsh legal interpretations of your relationship. This can affect the division of property and assets, child support, or parenting time and often leads to one or both parties unhappy with the result. If this is one of your primary concerns, mediate so that you can cooperate and compromise in a way that benefits you both.
• Less Expensive: Mediation involves you, your spouse, and a mediator with the appropriate training from the state. Although this will still cost you, it will only be a fraction of what you would both end up paying in legal fees for your attorneys.
• Neutrality: Per state law, the mediator is not allowed to pass judgments on either you or your spouse and cannot take sides in any way, allowing both of you to work out a solution as amicably as possible. With lawyers at play, the heated discussions could ruin the chances of you and your spouse maintaining any sort of positive relationship after the divorce proceedings.

The Cons

Although mediation can do a lot of good, it can pose a few risks in certain situations. Consider the following before you decide to begin your divorce with mediation:

The thought of ending your marriage can be very intimidating in many ways. In some cases, you may be afraid to leave for financial reasons. Imagining how you will survive on one income may be daunting, especially if you stayed home to raise your children. However, you may be entitled to spousal support (alimony) if you get a divorce in Michigan. Each situation is unique, and the court will evaluate different factors when calculating this type of support. If you are awarded spousal support benefits, your ex-spouse is responsible for making these payments in a timely manner. However, things may not work as planned if your ex does not follow the rules. An experienced divorce attorney can assist you with enforcing spousal support or child support to ensure your financial security so you can move on with the rest of your life.   

Factors Considered by the Court 

According to Michigan divorce law, spousal support is not always awarded in a divorce case. If a couple cannot come to an agreement on how to divide assets or property and one spouse requests support, the court must determine if spousal support is appropriate. Below are a few of the relevant circumstances the court will review when making that decision:

• The length of the marriage
• Age and health of each spouse
• Each party’s contributions to the marriage
• Economic resources of each spouse
• Standard of living during the marriage
• Property received in the divorce settlement
• Whether one spouse was financially dependent on the other 

Steps For Enforcing an Order 

If your ex-spouse is not making his or her legally required spousal support payments, you need to take decisive action to enforce the payments:

For some couples, the end of a marriage may have been a long time coming. Regardless if spouses procrastinated with the decision to divorce or made it rather hastily, they must all follow the proper legal procedure to finalize it. Michigan is a no-fault state, which means couples do not have to prove that either party is to blame to obtain a divorce, just that the marriage is beyond repair. The dissolution of a marriage involves many issues that need to be resolved, including the division of assets or property, child custody, and child support. Determining who gets what in a divorce may require providing proof of finances, property, income, and more.

The Importance of Keeping Accurate Records

Computers and online storage systems can provide efficient ways of saving and organizing important forms, but sometimes it is helpful to retain hard copies, too. Although it may be cumbersome to hold onto a lot of paperwork, saving certain documents can benefit you in the long run. A few of the main areas in which you may be required to provide documentation throughout your divorce proceedings include:

• Proof of residency: Utility bills or rental agreements with your name and address
• Income: W-2 forms or paycheck stubs, plus tax returns you and your spouse filed jointly or separately within the last year
• Debt: Any outstanding credit card balances, student or car loans, and medical bills
• Assets: An itemized list of your marital and nonmarital assets, which can include vehicles, furniture, artwork, jewelry, and other personal items
• Real estate property: A mortgage statement or deed, as well as any documents related to rental properties you or your spouse may own
• Bank accounts: Checking or savings account statements in your names
• Retirement/Investment plans: Data on 401(k) or pensions to which either you or your spouse contributed throughout the marriage, in addition to mutual funds, stocks, bonds, and IRAs in either spouse’s name
• Life insurance: Information on any life insurance policies that were taken out
• Health issues: Medical records showing health history for all involved family members, including any children you have together
• Education/Childcare: If your children attend private school or daycare, bills showing the cost of these expenses

Contact a Farmington Hills Divorce Lawyer

The divorce process may seem daunting, especially to those who have never been through it before. There are many decisions that will need to be made, which often requires spouses to provide personal documents. It is important to be organized and prepared before filing for divorce. Speaking with an Oakland County asset division attorney can alleviate some of the stress you may feel about the necessary legal steps to terminate your marriage. Call the accomplished law firm of Elkouri Heath, PLC, today at 248-344-9700 to schedule your free consultation.

The end of a marriage can be difficult on many levels. The breakdown of a relationship can affect more than just spouses. If a couple had children together, they will likely be devastated to see their family unit split apart. In addition, breaking up can cause financial hardship for one or both parties. Michigan, like many other states, is an “equitable distribution” state when it comes to dividing assets or property in a divorce. This means any marital property will be divided in a fair way, but not necessarily 50/50. In some cases, one spouse may have made secret purchases with marital assets. The legal term for this deception is “dissipation of assets,” and an experienced divorce attorney can help discover it. 

Uncovering Hidden Expenditures

Dissipation is defined as spending marital money, or using any marital asset, for something that benefits only one spouse, not the marriage as a whole. Since funds are leaving the marital estate, the combined value of the assets being divided in the divorce settlement will be lower. Examples of dissipation can be gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, money spent on an extramarital affair, or any extravagant purchases made by one spouse.

It may be challenging to prove the dissipation of assets, but that is where a skilled attorney, as well as a forensic accountant, can help. They know where to look and how to reveal dissipated assets. Carefully reviewing financial records and documentation is essential in providing evidence that one party was siphoning off money for him or herself. In certain situations, one spouse could be guilty of filtering money or expenses through a business that they own.

According to the Adoption Network, approximately 135,000 children are adopted every year in the United States. Relative or related adoption is the legal adoption of a child by a biological relative. For example, it can be the adoption of a child by his or her grandparent, uncle, or cousin. In many states, relative adoptions are not as complicated as non-relative or agency adoptions. The Michigan Department of Health & Human Services (MDHHS) searches for adoptive families that will best meet the needs of a child. If possible, adoptive placements are made with relatives or foster parents, and siblings are kept together in most situations. It is important to seek the guidance of an experienced family law attorney when considering any adoption. 

The Basics of a Related Adoption

According to Michigan family law, any individual can be adopted but those who are age 14 or older must give their own consent. In addition, the state law allows adoptive parents 21 days in which to challenge a denial.

Because of the familial relationship in a relative adoption, one attorney is able to represent both parties. In these types of adoptions, it is considered more of an “open” adoption versus a “closed” adoption. However, in cases of divorce where one spouse remarries and a step-parent wishes to adopt the child, each biological parent may choose to hire separate legal representation.  

In some marriages, a spouse may be unhappy, but the thought of filing for a divorce can be intimidating. If a couple has children together, one parent may not want to break up the family unit. However, being married to a narcissist who is self-involved and arrogant can be damaging to the entire family. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological disorder that manifests with the constant need for acknowledgment and a lack of caring for others. Getting out of this type of toxic relationship by filing for divorce may be in your best interest. Since a narcissist typically believes he or she is always right, this can cause a lot of disputes during the legal proceedings. The following are a few practical ways to minimize the conflict when legally ending your marriage to a narcissist. 

Ways to Reduce Conflict

A narcissist will do everything in his or her power to gain an advantage and win, especially regarding a divorce settlement. Although you may have been used to your spouse’s behavior while you were married, he or she may become even more contentious once the petition to dissolve the marriage is issued. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process smoothly: 

• Set Realistic Expectations: Realizing that your spouse is not going to play fair will help prepare you if he or she contests any of the marital issues such as division of property, spousal support, or parenting time.  
  
• Get Everything in Writing: A narcissist will often lie as a means of manipulating the situation to his or her liking. Document what your spouse says by keeping records of any conversations via email, voicemail, or text messages. 
  
• Understand Your Finances: Getting a clear picture of your marital estate is crucial to receiving what is rightfully yours. In some cases, a narcissistic spouse may have hidden assets or even dissipated them through extravagant spending.  
  
• Control Your Emotions: You may not be able to control how your spouse reacts to things, but you can manage your feelings. It is best not to engage your spouse because it will likely enrage him or her. Joining a divorce support group or seeking counseling may help you emotionally. 
  

Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, which means a couple can get divorced regardless of who is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage. This is why it is imperative to hire an experienced attorney who understands the complications that can arise when negotiating with a narcissistic spouse. 

Divorce is stressful for a number of reasons, and adding financial struggles on top of everything can set people over the edge. Before couples begin the divorce process, they often expect things to be cordial and expedient. Things can quickly get ugly when the possibility of divorce becomes a reality. The division of marital properties and assets can bring out the worst in individuals with some spouses going so far as hiding assets or lying about their financial stability. Whether or not your spouse is involved in foul play, it is important to take additional measures to protect your finances during your divorce to avoid paying for it later.

Gather Your Records

Some divorcing spouses will take advantage of their joint financial accounts right before the divorce becomes official by buying expensive things or making large purchases, draining the account to keep the money away from their ex’s pockets. Obtaining documentation of the amount within all of your accounts before the divorce is a good way to protect your joint and individual accounts from these sort of actions. With the proper evidence, you can prove that your spouse’s spending habits have changed drastically throughout the divorce, jeopardizing your financial stability in the future.

Create Your Own Accounts

Many couples share all of their financial accounts, especially females or stay-at-home parents. While this connection may not seem problematic throughout your marriage, once divorce becomes a possibility, it can leave you reliant on your soon-to-be ex-spouse. One of the first actions that divorcing couples should take is to open their own bank account and get their own credit card. Not only will they begin building up their own credit, but they will also have sole control over the finances. Many divorcing couples will close their joint accounts at the beginning of the divorce process to avoid unfair spending or foul play.

When parents choose to end their marriage, the most important factor that should be considered for the future is the safety and wellbeing of their children. While Michigan law encourages both caregivers to create a custody agreement that is in the best interest of the children, this may not always be possible. Depending on the reasons behind the divorce, parents may have a difficult time coming together to construct an agreed-upon parenting plan. As time progresses and situations change, however, modifications may be made to a child custody arrangement if there is a proper cause and the involved children would benefit. If you wish to alter your current court-ordered parental agreement, a knowledgeable child custody lawyer can help. 

Joint or Sole Custody

Once parents choose to end their marriage, the decision of custody must be determined. If for any reason the parents cannot agree on a living situation for their children, the court system will become involved. If joint custody is decided, that means that both parents will share the responsibility of raising their children. Topics such as education, religion, medical care, and the decision of extracurricular activities will have to be agreed upon by both spouses. Before a ruling is made, the judge must determine whether or not the parents will be able to agree on the aforementioned topics. Joint custody may be considered by the court without a request from either parent. 

In the event that sole custody is granted, the care and decision-making responsibilities will be designated to one parent. When determining which outcome will be enforced, a judge will consider:

The playing field of divorce may have leveled out over the past several years, but some women are still at a financial disadvantage when their marriage ends. In particular, women who left the workforce or sacrificed their education to raise a family or promote their spouse’s career may face some financial surprises with devastating consequences when they embark on a divorce. It is essential to learn the Michigan divorce laws to be prepared for this next chapter of your life.  

1. Needing to Return to the Workforce

If you stepped back from your career to raise a family or further your spouse’s career, entered into retirement, or suffer a disability that limits your ability to work, you may be eligible for spousal support (alimony). Awards do not last forever, however, so it is recommended that you plan for re-entry into the workforce sooner rather than later. If you cannot work, strive to find a viable alternative, such as Disability or your spouse’s Social Security. 

Divorce can be messy, even in the best of circumstances. Emotions run high, and you and your spouse may get caught up in getting even with one another rather than what is best for everyone involved. If you have children together, it is imperative that you consider their interests when making decisions. Thankfully, there are steps that you can take to ease the transition. 

1. Reassure the Kids

Children do not always cope well with divorce, but it is often because they fear what might happen. Their worries can vary, but the solution is usually the same. All they really need is consistency and reassurance. They need to know that both of their parents will be there for them as life changes and that they are not at fault for the dissolution of your marriage. 

Divorce is a scary decision to make and often takes couples years to come to. Splitting from your spouse may not sound like a good option, especially if you have been with them for over a decade. You become accustomed to living with another person, even if you do not necessarily get along with them, and the alternative can seem like a worse situation. For those considering divorce, it can be difficult to find the encouragement you need to do so from loved ones. Their ties to you and your spouse can make them a non-neutral party who are rooting for your relationship rather than your best self. Our divorce attorneys at Elkouri Heath, PLC, work to put you first, regardless of your relationship, and encourage our clients to look at divorce in a new light.

Seeing the “Positive” in the “Negative”

Societal norms often frame divorce in a negative light. While divorce may not have been your plan while saying “I do,” a split from your spouse is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is often the best thing for individuals who are getting divorced. Our attorneys find that by shedding new light on the “negatives” of divorce, many spouses begin to see the positives that can come from this life change.

1. Giving Up Mutual Security to Give Yourself a New Start: One of the biggest fears that divorcing couples have is change. Starting a new life after your initial plan failed to work out can be a stressful experience and can even keep people in unhappy marriages. Though you may be giving up the “security” that you have with your spouse, this security can often make you give up your happiness. Having another person by your side may feel like safety, but getting to choose your happiness and rely on yourself along the way is the biggest life security of all.
2. Two Parents Does Not Mean Better Parenting: Married couples with children can often stay in their relationship for their children’s sake, thinking that having two parents under one household is better for their kids. While this line of thinking is understandable, what many parents fail to recognize is the attention that their children give their parents' interaction. Many parents will try and “fake it till they make it” until their children are out of the house but do not realize that kids can sense the tension between their parents. Experts have found that children do better in a less contentious environment rather than seeing the effects of an unhealthy relationship.
3. Moving On and Moving Up: Individuals going through a divorce are not doomed to an eternity of solitude. Those who are in unhappy relationships may remain in them thinking that they are too old to find another partner. As more and more middle-aged individuals are getting divorced, the dating pool continues to grow for those who consider themselves past the age of dating. Whether or not you find another partner, you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, even if that person is yourself.

Call a Novi, MI, Divorce Attorney for Help

Calling a divorce attorney may seem like the final step in the divorce process; however, it does not necessarily mean that you must have made up your mind. Sometimes, speaking to a legal professional can help you make your decision one way or the other. At Elkouri Heath, PLC, we offer advice for those considering divorce or those looking for an attorney to represent their case. With over 23 years of experience, our attorneys have worked with a variety of couples, each with their own unique situation, and have gained extensive knowledge about the legal and emotional side of divorce. If you are considering divorce, contact our Oakland County divorce lawyers for a free consultation at 248-344-9700 today.

No one really enters into a marriage thinking they are going to get divorced. Sadly, many couples do end their legal unions for various reasons. In some cases, an extramarital affair or an addiction problem may have caused the relationship to sour. Once a couple decides to part ways, they will have to make many decisions, including how to divide their assets and property. The division of real estate properties can be one of the most contested aspects of a divorce. Spouses often argue over who gets to stay in the marital home or who can keep the lake house. Under Michigan law, a judge is required to distribute marital property fairly. This typically means that each spouse receives approximately half of everything. However, the property may be divided unequally if one party is considered to be more responsible for the marriage ending or if one party proves a significant need for more assets. 

Separate Versus Marital Property

If either spouse owns his or her own property prior to the marriage, it is classified as separate property. In addition, gifts or any type of inheritance received during the marriage are referred to as separate property. If a spouse owns separate property such as another home, jewelry, or artwork and it appreciates in value on its own, the increase in value is still separate.

The majority of assets or property that spouses accumulated throughout their marriage is marital property. Regardless of whose name is on a title or deed, it is still marital property unless it was given to or inherited by one spouse. Marital property means that it is owned by both spouses. Typical examples include houses, vehicles, furniture, artwork, retirement plans, pensions, bank accounts, CDs, or any other assets or investments earned or acquired during the marriage. 

Divorce is a fairly common occurrence these days, especially when compared to decades ago. Recent studies show that approximately 40 to 50 percent of U.S. marriages end in divorce. Although this may be a somewhat disheartening statistic, it is a reality in today’s modern world. Regardless of whether the breakdown of a marriage was caused by infidelity, addiction, or financial problems, for many couples, legally ending their union may be better for everyone in the long run. Once a couple decides to divorce, many issues will need to be addressed, such as property and asset division, spousal support, and child support if children are involved. Child support in Michigan is determined based on various factors, but what if one or both parents are serving in the U.S. military? Service to our country can affect how child support payments are implemented. 

Legal and Parental Obligations

All parents are responsible for the emotional and financial security of their children, no matter whether they are married, divorced, separated, or they never tied the knot. This obligation applies to parents in the Armed Forces as well. Several laws exist to ensure children are provided with the necessities to live a healthy and joyful life. In most situations, the parent with the majority of the parental responsibilities and parenting time (the custodial parent) will receive child support payments from the other parent (the non-custodial parent). 

In the past, the nuclear family was preferred for adoption over other family makeups and dynamics; however, this has changed as society has modernized and the vision of the “American family” has expanded. Many single parents incorrectly believe that they cannot adopt due to their relationship status. In 2017 alone, almost 15,000 single women and nearly 2,000 single men adopted children or youth from foster care. For single women or men looking to adopt a child, it is important to consider how single parenthood would affect their lifestyle and to look at their various options to make an informed decision on the matter.

Lifestyle Changes

It is no secret that having a child changes an adult’s life forever. This is especially true of those looking to embark on this journey alone. Single individuals considering adoption should look at the following three areas to see if they are ready to take that step:

1. Time Management: This is a skill that every parent is forced to learn when they bring their child home. Balancing work, your child’s needs, and your social life by yourself can be a difficult task. Before single parents move forward with the adoption, it is important to see how they would “fit” their child into their day while making them a priority.
   
2. Financial Investment: Children are the most expensive investment a person can make. Necessities such as food, clothing, and doctor’s visits are enough to make a future parent’s head spin. When you think about the possible costs of education or extracurriculars, the investment may seem impossible. Parents should look at their financial stability before making a lifelong commitment to caring for a child.
   
3. Relationships: Children can take up most of a parent’s time, making it difficult to start new relationships if they are not already in one. Children can complicate the dynamics of a new relationship and sometimes stop them altogether. Before deciding that a child is in your immediate future, you may want to look at your willingness to prioritize your child over romantic relationships to come.

What Are the Different Types of Adoption?

Aside from adopting a family member or stepchild, there are three different types of adoption available to those looking to grow their family.

If you have grandchildren, you know what a joy being a grandparent can be. After a divorce, grandparents may worry that they will not get to see their grandchildren as often as they did when the children’s parents were married. In some cases, a parent may outright refuse to let his or her children see their grandparents. This can be absolutely devastating for both the grandparents and the grandchildren. Fortunately, grandparents have certain rights under Michigan law that allow them to spend time with their grandchildren. However, these rights may be subject to certain restrictions and qualifying criteria.

How Can I Get Grandparenting Time?

Visitation with grandchildren, also called grandparenting time, is not automatically granted after a divorce. If your grandchildren’s parent(s) agrees to grandparenting time, you will have a much easier time pursuing visitation with the children. However, if the parents do not want you to see their children, you will have to convince the court that grandparent visitation is in the child’s or children’s best interest.

If the court finds the parents “fit” enough to make good decisions regarding who their children spend time with, it can be hard to get court-ordered grandparenting time over their objections. In order for a grandparent to be awarded visitation, they must show evidence that proves the benefit of them spending time with their grandchildren. If you want court-ordered grandparent visitation, you will need to prove that the denial of grandparent visitation rights would create a “substantial risk of harm to the child’s mental, physical or emotional health.” Michigan courts consider a variety of factors when deciding whether or not grandparent visitation is appropriate. These include but are not limited to:

If you are a parent who is unmarried or planning to divorce, you may have many questions about child custody in Michigan. Parents are encouraged to work out their own child custody arrangements, but understandably, this is not always possible. If parents cannot come to an agreement regarding custody and parenting time, the court will intervene and determine a child custody schedule on behalf of the parents. In Michigan, the Child Custody Act dictates how the court makes decisions about parenting time and custody.

Joint Custody or Sole Custody?

There are two types of custody under Michigan law: legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody is a parent’s decision-making authority and physical custody is where the child physically lives. Parents with joint legal custody consult with one another regarding major child-related decisions whereas sole legal custody assigns all decision-making responsibilities to one parent. In a joint physical custody arrangement, the child maintains a residence with both parents. Typically, one parent in a joint custody arrangement is the primary custodian and the other parent enjoys child visitation, technically called parenting time in Michigan law. When a parent has sole physical custody, the child resides only with them.

Best Interest Factors Considered During Custody Disputes

When parents cannot agree on custody issues, the court will make a determination based on the child’s best interests. The Michigan Child Custody Act lists the factors used to evaluate what type of child custody arrangement is in the child’s best interest. These factors include but are not limited to:

Adoption offers a way for a person or a family to provide a loving home to a child in need. The choice to adopt a child can be one of the most rewarding decisions an individual or a couple ever makes. If you plan to adopt in Michigan, you will need to decide whether you want to pursue a private adoption, adoption through a private or public agency, an international adoption, foster care adoption, or another avenue. You will also want to consider if you want a closed or an open adoption. Regardless of the type of adoption you choose, it is essential to hire an experienced family law attorney to guide you through the process. Below are a few of the pros and cons of open adoption.

Advantages of an Open Adoption

In an open adoption, the adoptive child can be in contact with his or her birth parents or birth family, and they may even spend time with these family members on a regular basis. There are many benefits to having an open adoption. In some cases, adoptive children who do not know their birth parents lack a feeling of belonging. They may wonder what their adoptive parents are like or question why they were placed for adoption in the first place. Open adoption can give adoptive children answers to these questions and help them gain a greater sense of personal identity. Having an open adoption may widen the circle of support in the child’s life, and it can also provide the adoptive parents with love and support.

When a couple divorces, one spouse may be at a significant financial disadvantage. For example, if a stay-at-home parent has not worked outside of the home in many years, he or she may have difficulty acquiring employment and becoming financially independent after the split. In some divorce cases, the higher-earning spouse is obligated to make payments to the lesser-earning spouse for a period of time. These payments are commonly referred to as alimony, spousal support, or spousal maintenance. Although wives have traditionally been the recipients of spousal support, both men and women may be entitled to this kind of monetary support depending on the circumstances.

Michigan Spousal Support

If you are considering divorce, you may be wondering whether you will be ordered to pay spousal maintenance. The answer depends on a number of factors. If you and your spouse had previously signed a valid prenuptial agreement that dictates your spousal support obligations, you will be expected to comply with the terms of that agreement. Michigan courts make decisions regarding alimony on a case-by-case basis. When determining whether spousal support is appropriate, the court will consider aspects such as:

When a married couple has a child together, the husband of the woman who gave birth to the child is automatically considered the child’s father in the eyes of the law. The father does not need to take any action to establish paternity and become the child’s official parent. However, the same is not true for unmarried couples. If you are an unmarried father who wishes to become your child’s legal parent, you will have to take some steps to officially establish the parent-child relationship.

Establishing Parentage Can Benefit Your Child in Many Ways

Even if you know that you are the biological parent of your child, there are several benefits of formally establishing parentage or paternity. Establishing paternity can give your child a better sense of self and open the doors for them to form a relationship with extended family. Furthermore, establishing paternity allows your child to benefit from your:

• Health insurance
• Inheritance
• Pensions
• Social security
• Veteran’s benefits

A child whose father has established paternity will also be able to access the father’s medical history, which can be extremely important if the child experiences certain health concerns.

If you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage, one of your greatest fears may be telling your children that you plan to divorce. It is very possible that your children will remember the moment they learned about the divorce for the rest of their lives. Needless to say, it is important for parents to plan this discussion carefully and take steps to make the conversation go as smoothly as possible. Fortunately, much research has been done regarding the best ways to tell children about divorce. Read on to learn about the most common advice experts give parents for how to break the news of their impending divorce to their children.

Reassure Children That the Divorce Is Not Their Fault

Children are naturally egocentric. Because of this, they may assume that they somehow caused the divorce. This is especially true if the children have heard their parents arguing about parenting concerns in the past. Even if they do not say it outright, they may be secretly concerned that if they had behaved better or made different choices, that maybe their parents would be staying together. It is important for parents to remind children that the adults have made this decision for their own reasons and that it is in no way the kids’ fault.